Your family is not a distraction or a liability. It is your greatest strength—and so are the passionate personal pursuits that give your life meaning.
- Amongst many of the business owners that I coach, when we get together for our group sessions almost always I see the group jealousy that splits the groups in half. The jealousy has nothing to do with profit, employee retention, or really anything that has to do with with their actual business.
- The jealous come from the married people in the group being envious of the way the single people in the group are able to run their business without any distractions or commitments to anyone else.
- While the married members of the group never come out right and say it, their messages is often clear, they believe they could be doing so much more if I didn’t have “my family to deal with.”
- Your family is not a distraction or a liability. It is your greatest strength—and so are the passionate personal pursuits that give your life meaning.
Backstory
- It’s a a mindset I am all too familiar with because it’s one that I lived every day for many years.
- In my first marriage, I put my career with Chrysler before my marriage every single day year after year. I’d go in early, work late. We moved across country four times in ten years for my career and any time we did anything social it was with colleagues. My life revolved around Chrysler and as a result I forced my wife to revolve her life around work too. Sacrificing her career, a life near her family for over a decade, developing friendships, and the chance at a life with a present partner.
- I thought there would be time for us later and I could move our marriage to the back burner while I put more focus and attention into my career.
Setback
- On some level I knew she was unhappy, but I believed that providing for her should make up for it. Spoiler alert: it did not.
- Despite all the signs, I was surprised and devastated when my marriage fell apart and we eventually divorced.
- Today I see my clients with the same “back burner” mindset to their marriages and family, who become annoyed when their partners are asking them to prioritize their personal life.
Revelation
In our culture, success is defined by the accumulation of money, power, and influence; our families and personal lives deliver none of those. So when the balance scales need to tip in favor of your personal life, it feels counterintuitive. In those moments, we choose career or business, all the while justifying to ourselves that we’ll make time later for our family. We put our family and friends on the back burner or avoid our personal lives, thinking we’ll always have another chance down the road. But your family and loved ones are like good health; if you ignore and avoid them, they will go away. What I understand today that I dud not understand then, is that if I had put my personal life FIRST, then my work life will come into balance.
